Ep 20 | A Guide to Talking To Your Racist Uncle During the Holidays

THE HOLIDAYS ARE STRESSFUL TIMES FOR AMERICANS WHO ARE ABOUT TO BE BOMBARDED BY THE LESS THAN SAVORY OPINIONS OF THEIR RELATIVES. BUT DON'T DESPAIR, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. 

SHOW NOTES:

  • Our hero, Daryl Davis, who personally convinced 200 KKK members to turn in their "cloaks of dishonor" [article
  • The haunting Confederate essay by John Calhoun on slavery as a positive good [essay]
  • Why calling someone racist doesn't reduce their racism [Vox]
  • Get Out [trailer

THE 7-STEP GUIDE

1. Understand where they're coming from.
When your relative makes an uncomfortable comment to stir the pot, ask them why they believe what they're saying. Try to get to the root of where their beliefs are coming from. 

Comments like these are often motivated by very specific emotions that you'll want to get to.

2. Meet them emotionally.
Share whatever feeling motivates them. For example, if they talk about their fear for the direction the country is going in, you can respond, "As a citizen, I also feel fear about the country going in the wrong direction." 

Very importantly, this doesn't mean that you agree with the solution. It just means that you can connect on an emotional level. This opens the door for the next step...

3. Discuss their views logically.
Once you've established a common ground emotionally, start to see what are the logical components to their emotional state.

Engage their arguments by talking through some of the logic. Don't try to "win" the argument at this point. Don't even get into an argument. Let them talk and explore the assumptions in their conclusions. Give them space to explain themselves.

4. Determine potential for change. 
Ask them specifically what they would need in order for them to think another way. 

For example, if they made a statement that anyone that kneels for the national anthem should be deported, ask them if there's anything that could happen in their life that would ever make them protest the government. 

If they're willing to engage that possibility, then you can move on to the next step. If they're not, then it's time to cut your losses and probably end the conversation. 

5. Activate nurturance.
Now that you've established they could entertain an alternative in their thinking, ask them to put themselves in the shoes of the people they're criticizing. 

Ask them, if they were in charge, how you would help them. Then activate nurturance by asking them to describe a time when they helped someone or did something good for another person. 

6. Validate their broadened perspective.
If they've joined you on this journey and can now see how there are ways to help, then encourage them to go further. 

For example, if they were to say, "I now understand why players kneel for the anthem. I would never do it, but I see why," encourage them to go even further. Ask them to see what change the players would need to see in the world to want to stand up with pride again. 

7. Make them feel good about the new version of themselves. 
At this point, now that your relative has embraced a new perspective, you have to make them feel good about the experience. 

You don't want them to be embarrassed by their prior position, at all. Let that live in the past. Moving forward, they see the situation from a new perspective and you should thank them for that. 


NOW, it does take a lot of emotional labor up front to meet them where they are, but it'll be worth it in the end. 

If Daryl Davis can talk to the KKK and convince them to give up their cloaks of dishonor, then you can talk to your uncle and convince him that we don't need a ban on refugees. 

 

Ep 18 | The Politics of Fear Mongering

FOR OUR HALLOWEEN EPISODE, GUEST HOST DAN STOWELL JOINS THE POD TO DISCUSS HOW POLITICIANS USE FEAR TO MOTIVATE AND DEMAGOGUE THEIR FOLLOWERS. 

SHOW NOTES: 

  • TRIGGER WARNING: 538 on the day of the election [forecast]
  • The Purge: Election Year [trailer]
  • IT movie [trailer
  • The world reacts to Obama's tan suit [video]
  • Google Obama's fear mongering [Google]

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Ep 17 | How Harry Potter Teaches Empathy

DO PROGRESSIVES THINK THEY'RE LIVING IN A HARRY POTTER NOVEL? AND IF THEY DID, WOULD THAT BE SO BAD? WE EXPLORE THE MUGGLE PROBLEM. 

SHOW NOTES:

  • Harry Potter's opening line [link]
  • Ross Douthat, "The Muggle Problem" [column
  • Meet Ross Douthat [twitter]
  • Why Everyone Should Ready Harry Potter [link]
  • The science behind why Harry Potter reduces prejudice [paper]
  • Say no to death eaters, but yes to Slytherin [article]

Don't forget to like our page on Facebook for all our latest updates! 

Ep 16 | The Worst President Ever (TM)

WHEN THE COUNTRY NEEDED HIM THE MOST, THIS MAN DID NOTHING. NOT THE WORST HUMAN BEING WHO EVER LIVED, BUT MAYBE THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER.

SHOW NOTES:

  • Meet Herbert Hoover [Wiki]
  • The Herbert Hoover Presidential Library and Museum [link]
  • Have a Jucy Lucy [video]
  • The Hoover Dam [link]
  • Al Smith, the Catholic candidate for president [wiki]
  • Hoover loses re-election to FDR [link]
  • Divergent [trailer

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Ep 15 | Responding to the Majority...When They're Wrong

AUTHOR JULIA SERANO JOINS US TO DISCUSS HER ARTICLE, "REFUSING TO TOLERATE INTOLERANCE" IN THE WAKE OF A NATIONALIST UPRISING IN AMERICA.

SHOW NOTES: 

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Ep 14 | The Opioid Crisis

MICHAEL SHARES HIS VERY PERSONAL STRUGGLE WITH HIGH-DOSE OPIOIDS DURING HIS TIME IN THE HOSPITAL FOLLOWING A PELVIC FRACTURE. 

SHOW NOTES:

  • The scale of the opioid crisis is greater than Vietnam [link]
  • Back pain and opioid use [link]
  • On using the word addict and who is an addict [link]
  • The drug industry's involvement with the epidemic [link]
  • Everyone in The Giver does drugs in the morning [trailer]
  • Resources for opioid addiction [link]

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Ep 13 | A Brief History of Healthcare in America

WE REVIEW HOW THE NURTURANT PARENT MORAL VALUE SYSTEM NOW DOMINATES THE DISCUSSION ON HEALTHCARE, TO THE POINT THAT EVEN CONSERVATIVES HAVE CONCEDED DEFEAT.

SHOW NOTES:

  • Elysium, starring Matt Damon and his biceps [trailer

  • Paul Ryan on healthcare as a choice [link]
  • The Ross Douthat Iron Law of Health Policy [tweet]
  • The reduction of bankruptcies since Obamacare became law [article]
  • Conservative pundit Charles Krauthammer predicts single-payer healthcare [link]
  • A brief history of healthcare in America [timeline]
  • Atul Gawande on testing what will work like we did with farming [article]

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Ep 12 | Framing 201 with George Lakoff

THE INSPIRATION FOR "WE CAN TALK ABOUT", DR GEORGE LAKOFF HIMSELF, JOINS US TO TALK FRAMING 201. 

SHOW NOTES: 

  • Don't Think of an Elephant [book]
  • Systemic causes of natural disasters [article]
  • Meet George Lakoff [personal site] [Twitter] [Facebook
  • Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra at his finest [video]
  • KellyAnne Conway and alternative facts [link]
  • Cersei Lannister, matriarch of in-group care [wiki]
  • A primer on mirror neurons [link]
  • Citizens Communication Network [article]

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Daenerys image courtesy of John Scarratt. See his work at: http://www.johnscarratt.co.uk/dracarys/ 

 

Ep 11 | The Foundation of a Nurturant Society

MATT BRUENIG OF THE PEOPLE'S POLICY PROJECT JOINS US TO DISCUSS ESTABLISHING A FOUNDATION FOR LIBERAL SOCIETY. 

SHOW NOTES: 

  • How the "social safety net" got its name [link]
  • "A Foundation, Not A Safety Net" [article
  • Meet Matt Bruenig [Twitter]
  • The People's Policy Project in all its glory [site]
  • Support the People's Policy Project [Patreon]
  • The Acropolis and the Parthenon [link]
  • The Walking Dead on AMC [link

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